last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize