Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
