Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
