While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
