Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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