this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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