It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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