did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
