so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
