i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize