flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
