i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
