im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
