Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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