Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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