Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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