we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
