If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
