Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize