I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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