I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
