When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
