I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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