theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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