Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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