I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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