trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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