what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
