No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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