I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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