I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
