The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
