listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
