I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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