I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
