I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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