you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
