Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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