just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
