Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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