i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My life is pants optional.
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