What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
