I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
