Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
