Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
