So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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