giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
