I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
