Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize