Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
God, you're like boner-b-gone
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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