it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
