This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
