Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
