Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
