I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
