i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He passed out mid-signature
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
