i think my mom watched the whole time
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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