So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
