Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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