The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
