i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
