Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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