Will you blow on my dice?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
